It's past midnight, so it is officially Christmas Eve. Here is the 2014 edition. This is written from the perspective of Woody Johnson. Happy holidays to all the Jet fans out there. I hope Santa brings us a something to get excited about. DBJ 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through casa Woody Not a creature was stirring, not even Charley Casserly Green ball caps were strewn across the floor without care, Frustration set in, knowing Black Monday would soon be there. The scouts were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of first round defenders danced in their heads. And there I lay, once again feeling like a sap, Another losing season had fallen in my lap. When out my penthouse there arose such a humming, I sprang from my bed to see what was coming. Away to the window, I sprinted across the manor, I looked out to see a toy plane with a banner. “Fire John Idzik” is what the banner said It's just like the billboard I yesterday read. When, what to my tearing eyes should appear, But my own GM looking rather austere He turned to me and gave a little sob And I knew right away he was here to beg for his job. I held up a hand, but he started just the same, His signings and draft picks, he called them by name: "There’s Vick! There’s Johnson! There’s Colon! There’s Goodson! And Decker! And Geno! And Milliner! And Breno Up and down the roster, quite a decent haul Oh who am I kidding? I have no clue at all!” At that very moment he broke down to cry, Lamenting the rookie wide receivers he let pass by. Loaded with cap space to replenish the crew He waited and waited til the choices were few “Sustained success” he muttered the lie “The draft is our lifeline” another battle cry As he rambled and stuttered in a dull monotone His press conference all over with the same pointless drone He echoed Geno and his fable about Pro Bowl flashes And he said there’s a chance we can rise from the ashes “Just one more season is all that I ask. If I pick my own coach, I’ll be up to the task!” My eyes how they burned and I gave him a sneer, I couldn’t take it any more, I’d had it up to here! He backed up and fear had shown upon his face He was Tom Brady and I was Calvin Pace I charged and tackled him baring my teeth I was on top and he underneath He’d pushed me too far, there was fire in my belly, My GM was so scared, his bowels turned to jelly I screamed and I yelled, I lost all my grace, “What is the point of all that cap space?!?!? Why didn’t you try to give Revis a call? Instead your top corner ended up AWOL” He spoke not a word, but just went on cryin’ And then out of nowhere in walked Rex Ryan He bent over and pulled me up by the scruff and giving a nod, he said “That’s enough” He walked to the door, but paused at the brink, As he left he smiled and gave me a wink But I heard him exclaim, his glee he couldn’t conceal, "Happy Christmas to me, Rexy’s got a TV deal!"
Wow. Every year you remind us all of this great thread, which every year is just AWESOME. Great Job DBJ
I screamed and I yelled, I lost all my grace, “Whatis the point of all that cap space?!?!? Why didn’t you try to give Revis a call? Instead your top corner ended up AWOL” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BRAVO
Twas the night before christmas Rex was eating snacks in his bed Not a creature was stirring not even firemen ed Sad and frustrated as he lay there alone His thoughts shattered by visions of a naked Willie Colon The scrub players nestled under there covers with glee Dreaming thoughts of a winning team and how that would be, When all of a sudden Rex awakes from his slumber A mad dash on the roof is making Rex wonder Could it be Santa?the idiot thinks as he runs and he laughs To his amazment its the "Fire Idzik Banner Helicopter " that has run out of gas Mad and pissed off Rex slams the door to his home An idea to call Idzik as Rex grabs the phone (Idziks house)I don't have time for this Rex as Idzik answers his call Your not fat anymore and you know nothing about the offensive side of the ball You will be fired so start packing your bags Woody likes me more he said as he started to laugh All of a sudden Idzik hears a knock on the door as he's skipping happily He looks out the window to see Woody,Security and a man named Casserly (Woody)Open up John ,Charlie really has to crap We aren't hear to fire you we are just hear to chat Idzik smiles while opening the door like a dick Security grabs him as he screams its a trick!! Being dragged away as he's kicking and screaming When Woody says did you think you'd keep your job you must have been dreaming
It wouldn't be a Christmas here at TGG.com without DBJ's annual ode to the Jets! Merry Xmas old buddy! You're still the best!
Merry Christmas everybody. I wish a good New Year and whatever. It's the college basketball till the beginning of April. See you at draft time.
and to think, this was posted 6 years ago! Some things never seem to change. I think that was also my favorite part. Good stuff.
Happy holidays all. I haven't been around much lately, but I couldn't let a Christmas Eve go by without dropping one of these off. While it is great for us Jets fans that the team is doing well and has a no-nonsense administration, it doesn't leave me with a ton of material to work with. Ah Rex....you always gave me plenty of inspiration. Anyway, this year's edition is told from Todd Bowles' perspective. I hope you enjoy it. Be well everyone! Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Florham Park Not a player was stirring, and the coach’s room was dark. The playbooks were scattered across the floor without care, Because everyone knew the Patriots would soon be there. Most of the D-Linemen were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of a broken Brady danced in their heads. But Richardson was out in his Bently, and gave a little honk, Hoping that the linebackers would be able to shut down Gronk. When out on the practice field there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter. Away to the practice bubble I flew like a flash, Tore open the gate and broke down the door with a smash. The glow from the lights reflected off my head And illuminated the dome with a shine widespread When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a Kelly green sleigh, loaded up with Jets gear With a reckless driver, tough with no glitz, I knew in a moment it must be St. Fitz. More rapid than lasers his playmakers they came, And he shouted, and audibled, and called them by name! "Now Marshall! now, Decker! now, Ivory and Powell! The Jets are back I am here to howl! To the top of the standings! to ESPN! We finally have ourselves an offense again!" As the season is closing its our time to fly, And I knew that Fitzpatrick was our guy. As he scrambled around I beamed with pride, But got a little quesy when he refused to slide. And then, I thought back to long, long ago When the Jets were helmed by a QB named Joe. I knew it was crazy to think such a thing, But could Fitzy be next the guy to bring us a ring? He was dressed all in green, from his helmet to his cleat And his beard was finally trimmed so it looked a little neat. To look at him it would be tough to see, That he had himself a Harvard degree. His eyes were intense! A fire in his gut! A brace on his hand from running like a nut! When I looked at his face there was a cut across his nose Eh, who cares about looks if he can make the throws! Then I remembered how we started the year, With a different QB who appeared to be in gear. Until he was punched in the face and got his jaw broke, When I heard the news, I thought it was a joke! But IK Enemkpali wanted his money, And sometimes I laugh, but it’s not really funny! Where would we be with Geno at the head, Not on a playoff push I would dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his task, Over to his teammates and grabbed a facemask They knew what he wanted…to practice some plays, And giving a nod, they followed his ways. He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a yell, “Tell the Pats we are ready and plan to give them hell!” And I heard him exclaim, as he practiced through the night, "Merry Christmas to all Jet fans, our future is bright!"
What an improvement! (Florham) "Park" certainly rhymes with "dark" better than "Woody" did with "Casserly" last year!
nice, I love seeing these one question the playbooks being scattered. Is that because the Patriots would see them even if they weren't left lying around?