RP: Twas the Night Before Christmas

Here is the 2011 edition. Last year there was much more crazy stuff going on with the team and made for better material to work with. I did my best with what we've seen this year.

Happy holidays to all!


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Jet Nation
The fans still all stirring, with much anticipation.
They were all hoping that their holiday wouldn’t stink,
For once again the Jets season was teetering on the brink.

The players had practiced and were ready to play,
And the fans did their thing and started to pray.
Coach Rex wore his vest, and Mark donned his cap,
But we weren’t quite sure if they’d play great or like crap.

The season began with Super Bowl chatter,
But by week 15, fans were wondering what was the matter.
It started just fine when we stole one from Romo
But the sting wasn’t so nice when it was delivered by a certain Bronco.

Our QB is so inconsistent it’s down right silly
Is he another Bubby Brister or the next Joe Wille?
It’s hard to tell what’s wrong with Schotty calling plays
Every game we go through streaks of offensive malaise

But the OC isn’t the only guy on trial
Have you seen our right tackle, the human turn-style?
If you listen a little, the fans direct the blame
They boo and they shout, and call them by name:

"Fire Schotty! Fire, Schotty!” They say again and again!
“Cut, Ducasse! Cut Hunter! Cut Smith and Mulligan!”
On the ganggreen forums we’ve heard it all fall
“Fire them! Cut them! Get rid of them all!"

Our defense is not what we hoped it would be
No pass rush to speak of and a gaping hole at safety
When Victor Cruz is calling Revis out
You know that it is time to erase any doubt

And now here we are in another tense December
Will it be same old Jets or a finish to remember?
It’s that time of year for us to believe
And maybe we’ll see some magic on this Christmas Eve

This day it comes to a New York city war
One team plays on, while the other gets shown the door
A cross-town rival will look for playoff dreams to smother
And as Rex says, we’ll find out who’s the big brother

What we need is a dose of the old ground and pound
Plus blitzing and schemes to confuse and confound
Eli is good, but we know he can be beat
A little pressure and some picks spell his path to defeat

You know Plax will be ready to face his old team
And show them what its like to fly in the Jet stream
His running mate Tone will be eager to score
This time though, he should act like he’s been there before

Countdown to kickoff, let’s get this thing done
All I want for Christmas is another playoff run
Anything less and our season’s a bust
Fingers crossed….in Rex we trust

Enough with the rhyming, let’s get to the game
To root for our team….you know what to exclaim
J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!
Get to the playoffs and see some upsets!

I wish you good cheer and a happy football day
Cause you know we need a win in the very worst way
I’ve got a funny feeling everything will turn out right
"Merry Christmas to all, where the dream lives on for one more night!"

 

It is officially Christmas Eve, so I guess I can post the 2012 version. The one upside of this season is that I had plenty of material to work with. Happy Holidays everybody!



Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Jet-land,
Any fan that was stirring had his face in a hand.
The season was hung by a quarterback without care,
In hopes that an interceptor would not be there.

The delusional were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions Vick in kelly green danced in their heads.
With tears in my eyes, and the remote in my lap,
I had just settled down to contemplate the 2012 crap.

Out in the stands you could hear all the chatter,
Sparano’s putrid offense was at the heart of the matter.
Away to the defense Mark threw it in a flash,
Thanks to Tanny, he’ll still get 8M in guaranteed cash.

Our receivers and O-Line brought us lots of woe,
And don’t even get me started on the disaster that is Tebow.
When you have a running game that no team would fear,
The Met-Life faithful would rather boo than cheer.

Ground and pound was Rex’s battle cry,
He even suggested we give the Wildcat a try.
As the offense sputtered and went into a spin,
He insisted, “Sanchez gives us the best chance to win!”

It’s Schilens! It’s, Edwards! It’s, Kerley and Gilyard!
It’s, Gates! It’s, Reuland! There’s not one like Maynard!
No one to throw to, playcalling without reason or rhyme!
Completion! Completion! It must be Tebow time!"

With Revis and Santonio out for the year,
It is easy to say things aren’t as bad as they appear.
But the talent level has eroded away,
Due to our GM’s strategy to have the fewest picks on draft day.

Woody wanted his team to be the back page star,
But instead got mockery with Rex driving a clown car.
The circus came to town and the tabloids loved it.
The sports pages became a bigger downer than an obit.

The worst was saved for a prime time game,
Where we became the NFL version of a national shame.
This is when the season really started to crumble,
An embarrassment, capped by a Sanchez Butt Fumble.

The next week Rex had to bench the QB,
And Mac won the game to fill Jet fans with glee.
The season was saved, even though it was bleak,
But in another great move, Mac was inactive the next week.

With no real backup QB on the Jets bench,
Sanchez continued to create a stench.
Pick after pick left me shaking my head,
Then a low snap was fumbled and our season was dead.

Now as they go forward and play out the year,
Where we are going is definitely unclear.
Do they stick with this group and hear us all grouse,
Or do they hit the reset button and decide to clean house.

Woody, Rex and Tanny all share the blame,
But Sparano and the QBs were also pretty lame.
Even Westoff’s unit was not on track,
Just cross our fingers that Fireman Ed doesn’t come back.

Yes, the Same Old Jets have brought us some tears,
But we just have to think, there’ll be better years.
I hope and I pray that next season will be bright,
But for now "Merry Christmas to the Jet fans tonight!"