Some good Jewish jokes... Why are Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 20% off. How do you help a Jew with ADHD? Concentration Camp of course. What do you call a flying Jew? Dust in the wind What happens if a Jewish man walks into a wall with a full erection? He breaks his nose Some other ones... What is the difference between Jesus and Mexicans? Jesus doesn't have Mexicans tattooed all over him What do books have that Mexicans don't? Papers What's the difference between snow tires and a black man? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them Why are all the white trash murder cases the hardest to solve? Because none of them have dental records and all the DNA matches What's 12 inches long and white? Nothing What do you call it when a white man dancing has a seizure? An improvement How do you circumcise a red neck? Kick his sister in the jaw Hey Brooklyn I got some for you too; I was walking through the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul and I saw a Turkish man getting his hand sewed back on, told him I see he won his appeal. What do you call a camel with 4 humps? A Saudi Quattro When is it ok to spit in a Turkish woman's face? When her mustache is on fire. What is the difference between an American girl and a Turkish girl who commit adultery? The American girl gets stoned before she commits adultery Honestly this might be the worst one I've ever heard.... How does a black women tell if she is pregnant? When she puts a tampon in it comes out with all the cotton picked.
Not really funny but gross one I remembered since middle school... How do you get a Jewish girl pregnant? Cum in a dirty shoe and let the flies do the rest
Why aren't cowboys circumcised? They need some place to put their Skoal while they're eating. How can a hillbilly tell that his sister is having her period? Because his father's dick tastes like blood. _
The Roe v. Wade Joke Book - tell these to your kids or non-kids: A fetus wakes up one morning only to realize he's in the process of being aborted. The fetus looks at the doctor and asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The doctor turns to the patient and says, "Don't worry, not all of them are this stupid." knock-knock who's there? you'll never know! After a couple has sex, the woman turns to the man and says, "If i get pregnant, what should we call the baby?" "A fetus!" he bellows before erratically speeding off to his home in Hyannisport, Mass. A woman and her fetus were walking into a clinic. "I'm scared," said the fetus. The woman replies: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here alone!" Why did the fetus cross the road? Because they moved the dumpster. A fetus approaches a single girl at a party."Hey sexy, would you like a drink?" he asks. She looks down and says, "Do I have a choice?" "Well...yes you do," says the fetus. A 'J.A.P.' goes up to her mother and says, "Mom can I have $300 for an abortion?" "It depends," says the mom. "Are you any good at it?" What do you get when you cross a fetus with a feminist? A fetus that desperately wants to survive in order to inform you later that it should be her mother's choice to abort a fetus. A fetus walks into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender says, "how are you going to pay for that?" "Hold on. it's coming. " A minute later the fetus's arm arrives with his wallet. A Fetus walks into a bar with a fat lady on his head. Bartender says, "What'll it be?" Fat lady says, "Too early to tell, but if it's a harelip, it's outta here!" So Barbara Boxer, Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton and a fetus are playing golf. Clinton puts the fetus on top of the tee, grabs a driver and goes into her backswing. "Hold it," says Boxer. "You need a three-wood!"
The gold standard of inappropriate humor (many of you may've already heard this version): - The Aristocrats Joke - https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=tw10xa_xtNg#t=87
Sung to the tune of My Bonnnie, with vigor, in waltz time: I fucked a dead whore by the roadside. I knew Goddamn well she was dead. The skin was all gone from her belly, And the hair was all gone from her head. But then when I knew it was over, I realized my terrible sin. So I knelt with my lips to her asshole, And sucked out the wad I'd shot in. Sucked out, sucked out, I sucked out the wad I'd shot in, Shot in. Sucked out, sucked out, I sucked out the wad I'd shot in I'd shot in... Try slipping that one in on open mike night.
Why is a woman's pussy and asshole close together? So you can carry 'em like a 6-pack. What's the best thing about being a lesbian? You get to eat pussy and hit from the red tees. What do you call a Mexican woman with very short legs? Consuelo. What's the differnce between Mexicans and Jesus? Jesus doesn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over his body.
Then you might like the band GWAR's song "Rock & Roll Never Felt So Good" that contains this high-brow piece of metaphorical rough housing I met her down at the donkey show, she was minutes past thirteen, sucking on a cherry Yoo-Hoo, reading 'Nuggets' magazine. Cum-stained splattered tube top, scrawny pre-pubescent tits, I looked down and saw that I was working out - on a quadriplegic chick. sigh.....they just don't write love songs like that anymore...
Another syllable post-comma and you would've nailed it. Hickory, dickory dock, three mice ran up a clock, the clock struck one, and the two others escaped with minor injuries. - "Three Stooges"
