Happy Mother's Day

Discussion in 'BS Forum' started by jetophile, May 10, 2020.

  1. jetophile

    jetophile Bruce Coslet's Daughter

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    Oh, God, there had to be. It's funny, because when I started posting here it had to be a good year and a half, probably closer to two before it even came out that I was female. It wasn't even me who let the cat out of the bag. I avoided saying it on purpose. By the time it was a known entity everyone was long past babying my opinions or skewering me unfairly. I didn't feel like being annoyed in either direction. I'm not sure which one would have rubbed made more raw.
     
  2. jetophile

    jetophile Bruce Coslet's Daughter

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    So here's My Mother's Day Story. I made it as long as possible for @Dierking :

    My Grandpa of the Black Fedora, my Mom's father, was 1/2 of the A set of grandparents. In actuality, he was really 3/4 of the set strictly because of his winning personality. He always dressed up in a suit on a Sunday, and not because he was about to make an attempt to go to Church. He just liked to do that, and if the the weather was nice, on went the black trench coat and the black fedora and off he went for a morning stroll. A barber by profession, he was an incredible person and an incredible character. He's been dead for almost 40 years, but the stories are endless and they never get old. My Grandpa was also into Holy Days of Obligation. Not because he gave a rat's ass, but because there was a different food associated with each one. And that's just for starters.

    He used to make his own Italian ice from scratch. Lemon, sugar, not really sure how he did it. Milk in it, which would make it sherbet, but it wasn't really like that. It was this mystery thing, and it was damn good. Spiked with homemade Limoncello is my heartfelt suspicion, if that tells you anything. He probably made us all half drunk in the Summer for laughs and that's why we ran like animals on the sidewalk.

    So one day the A Grandpa says he wants to go see his mother. It's Mother's Day! What? She's dead, hello. This woman had been buried for half a century, but for some reason he got it in his head. Now he was suiting up for an actual reason. He bought a bouquet of flowers that he actually gave some though to. My grandfather was not a patient person, so the fact that he spent three minutes on it is saying a lot.

    After wandering in the general vicinity of my great-grandmother's grave in Flushing Cemetery for twenty minutes, he started getting impatient. Then he started fuming. Then came the cursing under his breath in Italian. Where is it already? He was so mad by the time he found it, he stood there glowering, said nothing for a full minute, and then flung the flowers at the gravestone as hard as he could. They exploded like a grenade in a flurry of petals, and I stared in disbelief at a demolished daisy with a broken neck that landed across the top of my shoe. "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! (shook his fist at the sky)!"

    I stood there in shock with my mouth hanging open for what seemed like an eternity. I heard some voices, and lo and behold, and there were some hangers-on from a recent burial a few gravesites away. Did they see anything? I shoved my fist in my mouth so I wouldn't start shrieking, which made it funnier and harder not to laugh. AND THEN HE LEFT ME THERE. There he was stomping away through Flushing Cemetery in his black trench coat, his perfectly pressed suit and perfectly knotted tie underneath. And of course as I'm watching his back, he stopped for a second in his fury to take off his fedora just so he could press it back more angrily on his head as a final salute. Classic, and of course, nurture vs. nature - I'm adopted - made a strong argument on that particular Mother's Day in 1971.

    Hahahaha, I loved my Grandpa.
     
  3. NYGalPal

    NYGalPal Well-Known Member

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    blasphemy! I think I just post more Mets because there’s a game (well was) a game like everyday. Jets I guess I just stuck to the game day discussions for whatever reason.
     
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  4. NYGalPal

    NYGalPal Well-Known Member

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    Hi, but no poser dude over here! Someone faking genders on a msg board is weird but there are crazy people in the world, so......
     
  5. jetophile

    jetophile Bruce Coslet's Daughter

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    Well, hellloooo there! : ) No poser dude, lol, it happened and probably still is.

    One of the best ones by Kelly - IMO a slick handle pick because it's both a girl and a boys name - is NOT the one most remembered and talked about (he/she got banned for PMing him/herself under two different user names = definitively busted).

    I knew that screwball was a poser lonnnnggggg before that. He/she said that he/she and 1087Pennington1087 - I swear to God, it was a username like that - met off the board and got engaged. Paging @The Waterboy!

    My eyebrows knitted together, and I said, "That's it. This is complete and utter horseshit." @Sundayjack said, "Hold. The. Phone." I'm sure he would never remember that because his memory generally sucks, but I think he got mildly pulled in while I smelled a rat from 20 miles away.

    There was also another time someone registered with the user name Tuesday Zach. I couldn't stop shrieking. The avatar was someone in a banana suit. I still think it was MantanaSoss, but I guess the world will never know.
     
  6. jetophile

    jetophile Bruce Coslet's Daughter

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    FOOTBALLHOTTIE!!! Something just jumped across the synapse, like weird stuff that you remember at 3 a.m. Her user name was Footballhottie, hahaha. Today must be the day for that because I just remembered something else up above (TeriB).
     
  7. The Waterboy

    The Waterboy Well-Known Member

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    Looks like gustoonarmy had a little thing for her at the time, most of the posts referencing her is by him. Just registered for another website I might be able to find that pic but have to wait to be approved my the mods.
     
  8. Dierking

    Dierking Well-Known Member

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    Sundayjack was one funny motherfucker.
     
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