...is like going home, turning on the stove, waiting for the coils to get red, then putting your face on it.
...that feeling when someone tells you a joke you already know, that sucked the last time you heard it, and you're mute. ...pissing in the wind. ...getting a date with Jessica Alba, and showing up to learn that it is actually with Jessie Calba. ...that recurring dream where you show up at work in your drawers. ...being a crack addict. You know it's no good for you. It's ruining your life. It costs too damn much to keep up the habit, but you just can't stop. ...farting in a high-class restaurant on your first date with a hot chick. ...farting in the pool and the bubbles giving you away. ...pissing in the pool and the patch of yellow rising to the surface giving you away. ...not keeping those tacos in while you run for the stall.
...that buzzing noise in your ear that starts for no reason. You just wake up, or are just walking like every other day, then all of a sudden there is this low level humm. It just starts without warning and doesn't go away for days. And unless you want to shove a pencil in your ear, you have to just live with it.
Being a Jets fan is like being in bed with Salma Hayek gettin' hot and heavy and right before you slip into that warm and heavenly place... Being woken up by the nag to take out the garbage!
...Is like putting your finger in a meat grinder only to realize that you've taken your whole hand off. Then you just follow suite till your whole arm is off, and all you have left is the numbness and bone.
