3pm Service at the Small Chapel of Aaron Maybin (next to Best Buy)

jesterjetman · Oct 26, 2011

AirStrike said: ↑

Be calm servant, for if which you state were true, this service would be shut down. But is it Aaron Maybin we speak of. One of Revis' most devout followers. The master is allowing such proceedings to take place.
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St. Maybin?

jets_fan_in_fishtown · Oct 26, 2011

lol.. great thread title and OP.

nyjetsrule · Oct 26, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
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That was awesome! clearly the first passage of brilliance that our lord Revis hath given us for his newest deciple. Should be reprinted amongst the teachings of Revis as well.

carlito1171 · Oct 26, 2011

Can Kyle Wilson be up for sainthood next oh thou merciful lord Revis ?

MSUJet85 · Oct 26, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

LOL OMG that was brilliant.

The Mak · Oct 26, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

BRONZE THIS POST immediately!

NDmick · Oct 26, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

that 2nd paragraph was absolutely perfect.

Fucking well done

xmscott · Oct 26, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

Wow. Lock this thing down.

Wah · Oct 26, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

OMG I have tears in my eyes.... :rofl:

HardHitta · Oct 26, 2011

Fucking classic, but on the downside of it i literally shit my scooby-doo boxers

jets_fan_in_fishtown · Oct 27, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

lol, awesome.

but i pictured this scene in my head in midevil england as opposed to biblical times

624 · Oct 27, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

This is a giant block of text that everyone needs to read.

Wah · Oct 27, 2011

A day later... I am still laughing with tears in my eyes.

NY Jets68 · Oct 27, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

Well done.

Poeman · Oct 27, 2011

Ulrich said: ↑

And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!"

But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quell in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet.

And thus it came to pass.
Click to expand...

World class post right there...:rofl::metal:

All Gas No Shake · Oct 27, 2011

the op is hilarious and but ulrich took this thread to another level

well played

Dirty6Sanchez · Oct 27, 2011

Pure gold sir, pure gold

Jetaho · Oct 27, 2011

"I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew"

Bwaaahaaaahaaa! Awesome stuff!

greenbeanz · Oct 27, 2011

great post, ulrich. pure gold. had me laughing like a fool

The Dark Knight · Oct 27, 2011

Yeah, very well done guys.

3pm Service at the Small Chapel of Aaron Maybin (next to Best Buy)

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