RP: Twas the Night Before Christmas

Discussion in 'New York Jets' started by DeathByJets, Dec 24, 2006.

  1. Steve032

    Steve032 New Member

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    Ray Lucas knocked off this idea on sny the other day.

    Good work!
     
  2. Yisman

    Yisman Newbie
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    I read them all today. Nice job.
     
  3. DeathByJets

    DeathByJets Well-Known Member

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    It's past midnight, so it is officially Christmas Eve. Here is the 2014 edition. This is written from the perspective of Woody Johnson.

    Happy holidays to all the Jet fans out there. I hope Santa brings us a something to get excited about.

    DBJ



    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through casa Woody
    Not a creature was stirring, not even Charley Casserly
    Green ball caps were strewn across the floor without care,
    Frustration set in, knowing Black Monday would soon be there.

    The scouts were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of first round defenders danced in their heads.
    And there I lay, once again feeling like a sap,
    Another losing season had fallen in my lap.

    When out my penthouse there arose such a humming,
    I sprang from my bed to see what was coming.
    Away to the window, I sprinted across the manor,
    I looked out to see a toy plane with a banner.

    “Fire John Idzik” is what the banner said
    It's just like the billboard I yesterday read.
    When, what to my tearing eyes should appear,
    But my own GM looking rather austere

    He turned to me and gave a little sob
    And I knew right away he was here to beg for his job.
    I held up a hand, but he started just the same,
    His signings and draft picks, he called them by name:

    "There’s Vick! There’s Johnson!
    There’s Colon! There’s Goodson!
    And Decker! And Geno!
    And Milliner! And Breno
    Up and down the roster, quite a decent haul
    Oh who am I kidding? I have no clue at all!”

    At that very moment he broke down to cry,
    Lamenting the rookie wide receivers he let pass by.
    Loaded with cap space to replenish the crew
    He waited and waited til the choices were few

    “Sustained success” he muttered the lie
    “The draft is our lifeline” another battle cry
    As he rambled and stuttered in a dull monotone
    His press conference all over with the same pointless drone

    He echoed Geno and his fable about Pro Bowl flashes
    And he said there’s a chance we can rise from the ashes
    “Just one more season is all that I ask.
    If I pick my own coach, I’ll be up to the task!”

    My eyes how they burned and I gave him a sneer,
    I couldn’t take it any more, I’d had it up to here!
    He backed up and fear had shown upon his face
    He was Tom Brady and I was Calvin Pace

    I charged and tackled him baring my teeth
    I was on top and he underneath
    He’d pushed me too far, there was fire in my belly,
    My GM was so scared, his bowels turned to jelly

    I screamed and I yelled, I lost all my grace,
    “What is the point of all that cap space?!?!?
    Why didn’t you try to give Revis a call?
    Instead your top corner ended up AWOL”

    He spoke not a word, but just went on cryin’
    And then out of nowhere in walked Rex Ryan
    He bent over and pulled me up by the scruff
    and giving a nod, he said “That’s enough”

    He walked to the door, but paused at the brink,
    As he left he smiled and gave me a wink
    But I heard him exclaim, his glee he couldn’t conceal,
    "Happy Christmas to me, Rexy’s got a TV deal!"
     
    #103 DeathByJets, Dec 24, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2014
  4. NYJalltheway

    NYJalltheway Well-Known Member

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    Wow. Every year you remind us all of this great thread, which every year is just AWESOME. Great Job DBJ
     
  5. NY Jets68

    NY Jets68 Well-Known Member

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    hahahaha!
    Sums the year up nicely.
     
  6. Jetsfansince95

    Jetsfansince95 Well-Known Member

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    I screamed and I yelled, I lost all my grace,
    “Whatis the point of all that cap space?!?!?
    Why didn’t you try to give Revis a call?
    Instead your top corner ended up AWOL”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BRAVO
     
  7. 74

    74 Well-Known Member

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    Haha that was great
     
  8. matt robinson 17

    matt robinson 17 Well-Known Member

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    DBJ you still have the best signature here :)
     
  9. Jetrik

    Jetrik Well-Known Member

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    I always look forward to these. Good stuff.
     
  10. LongIslandBlitz

    LongIslandBlitz Well-Known Member

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    Twas the night before christmas Rex was eating snacks in his bed
    Not a creature was stirring not even firemen ed
    Sad and frustrated as he lay there alone
    His thoughts shattered by visions of a naked Willie Colon

    The scrub players nestled under there covers with glee
    Dreaming thoughts of a winning team and how that would be,
    When all of a sudden Rex awakes from his slumber
    A mad dash on the roof is making Rex wonder

    Could it be Santa?the idiot thinks as he runs and he laughs
    To his amazment its the "Fire Idzik Banner Helicopter " that has run out of gas
    Mad and pissed off Rex slams the door to his home
    An idea to call Idzik as Rex grabs the phone

    (Idziks house)I don't have time for this Rex as Idzik answers his call
    Your not fat anymore and you know nothing about the offensive side of the ball
    You will be fired so start packing your bags
    Woody likes me more he said as he started to laugh

    All of a sudden Idzik hears a knock on the door as he's skipping happily
    He looks out the window to see Woody,Security and a man named Casserly
    (Woody)Open up John ,Charlie really has to crap
    We aren't hear to fire you we are just hear to chat

    Idzik smiles while opening the door like a dick
    Security grabs him as he screams its a trick!!
    Being dragged away as he's kicking and screaming
    When Woody says did you think you'd keep your job you must have been dreaming
     
  11. Cman68

    Cman68 The Dark Admin, 2018 BEST Darksider Poster

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    It wouldn't be a Christmas here at TGG.com without DBJ's annual ode to the Jets! Merry Xmas old buddy! You're still the best!
     
    DeathByJets likes this.
  12. pdxdrew

    pdxdrew Well-Known Member

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    Merry Christmas everybody. I wish a good New Year and whatever. It's the college basketball till the beginning of April. See you at draft time.
     
  13. Yisman

    Yisman Newbie
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    and to think, this was posted 6 years ago! Some things never seem to change.

    I think that was also my favorite part. Good stuff.
     
    74 likes this.
  14. Barry the Baptist

    Barry the Baptist Hello son, would you like a lolly?
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    Why didn’t you try to give Revis a call?
    Instead your top corner ended up AWOL”


    Absolutely epic.....
     
  15. DeathByJets

    DeathByJets Well-Known Member

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    Happy holidays all. I haven't been around much lately, but I couldn't let a Christmas Eve go by without dropping one of these off.

    While it is great for us Jets fans that the team is doing well and has a no-nonsense administration, it doesn't leave me with a ton of material to work with. Ah Rex....you always gave me plenty of inspiration.

    Anyway, this year's edition is told from Todd Bowles' perspective. I hope you enjoy it. Be well everyone!


    Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Florham Park
    Not a player was stirring, and the coach’s room was dark.
    The playbooks were scattered across the floor without care,
    Because everyone knew the Patriots would soon be there.

    Most of the D-Linemen were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of a broken Brady danced in their heads.
    But Richardson was out in his Bently, and gave a little honk,
    Hoping that the linebackers would be able to shut down Gronk.

    When out on the practice field there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
    Away to the practice bubble I flew like a flash,
    Tore open the gate and broke down the door with a smash.

    The glow from the lights reflected off my head
    And illuminated the dome with a shine widespread
    When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a Kelly green sleigh, loaded up with Jets gear

    With a reckless driver, tough with no glitz,
    I knew in a moment it must be St. Fitz.
    More rapid than lasers his playmakers they came,
    And he shouted, and audibled, and called them by name!

    "Now Marshall! now, Decker! now, Ivory and Powell!
    The Jets are back I am here to howl!
    To the top of the standings! to ESPN!
    We finally have ourselves an offense again!"

    As the season is closing its our time to fly,
    And I knew that Fitzpatrick was our guy.
    As he scrambled around I beamed with pride,
    But got a little quesy when he refused to slide.

    And then, I thought back to long, long ago
    When the Jets were helmed by a QB named Joe.
    I knew it was crazy to think such a thing,
    But could Fitzy be next the guy to bring us a ring?

    He was dressed all in green, from his helmet to his cleat
    And his beard was finally trimmed so it looked a little neat.
    To look at him it would be tough to see,
    That he had himself a Harvard degree.

    His eyes were intense! A fire in his gut!
    A brace on his hand from running like a nut!
    When I looked at his face there was a cut across his nose
    Eh, who cares about looks if he can make the throws!

    Then I remembered how we started the year,
    With a different QB who appeared to be in gear.
    Until he was punched in the face and got his jaw broke,
    When I heard the news, I thought it was a joke!

    But IK Enemkpali wanted his money,
    And sometimes I laugh, but it’s not really funny!
    Where would we be with Geno at the head,
    Not on a playoff push I would dread.

    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his task,
    Over to his teammates and grabbed a facemask
    They knew what he wanted…to practice some plays,
    And giving a nod, they followed his ways.

    He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a yell,
    “Tell the Pats we are ready and plan to give them hell!”
    And I heard him exclaim, as he practiced through the night,
    "Merry Christmas to all Jet fans, our future is bright!"
     
    jxc, abyzmul, Ubiquitous and 17 others like this.
  16. JStokes

    JStokes Well-Known Member

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  17. Ralebird

    Ralebird Well-Known Member

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    What an improvement! (Florham) "Park" certainly rhymes with "dark" better than "Woody" did with "Casserly" last year!
     
  18. 74

    74 Well-Known Member

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    @DeathByJets
    (best username on the board btw)
    Standing O man, that was great.
     
  19. Yisman

    Yisman Newbie
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    nice, I love seeing these

    one question

    the playbooks being scattered. Is that because the Patriots would see them even if they weren't left lying around?
     
  20. NYJalltheway

    NYJalltheway Well-Known Member

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    Ah it's that time of the year for our TGG Christmas poem! Nice! Great work as always.
     

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