Welcome to the NY Jets Le’Veon!

After the thrill of getting paid fades, you’re probably going to think WTF. The NY Jets are ass. The owner sucks, the fan base sucks, the team sucks. I'm going to be Bill Belicheck's bitch for the rest of my career. Before you look for confirmation, let me just say these are the sky is blue, Sam Darnold is inaccurate facts.


Here’s the thing. We don’t care that you held out for more coin and told Pittsburgh’s management to go f themselves. We totally respect the idea that you think you’re the best running back on the planet and want to be paid like it.


Now that you got paid, don’t even think about dogging it. This is NY, we will make your life hell on earth if you dog it. You think the NFL drug testing is tough, the NY media is about to reintroduce you to the anal thermometer of your youth less the petroleum jelly.


Here’s the good part. You sat out a year and lost 14.5 million. If you actually play your ass off and this team wins, the 35 million guaranteed will look like peanuts. You will be a revered icon in the City that guys like Woody Johnson got fed baby food on a diamond studied spoon from Mary Poppins hands. There is no limit to free food, free drinks, sideline photo’s at Madison Square and over all ass kissing that you will be entitled to. There’s more. Endorsements, TV, radio spots with a fat Mike. In other words, the whole enchilada. Not to mention 25 years from now you can make a sexual advance on a network sideline babe and get away with it. I know now that doesn’t seem like a big deal. Believe me, at my age I can tell you it is. You don’t ever want to see what happens when a 50 plus you met on Tinder decides she wants you to touch her boobs. After carrying the rock 300 plus a year, you won’t be able to bend down that far.


Good luck and welcome to the greatest city in the world and the worst franchise in the NFL…