This may be too long too read and self indulgent, but maybe someone can appreciate or relate to it. Every once in a while I need to make a post like this. This past Sunday really fucked me up. It fucked me up big time, and maybe in a good way, because when the Jets are good and rolling I am a total nutcase bordering on manic. I become obsessive and all my spare time is spent researching the Jets and every thing they do. That what the last 6 weeks was for me, absolutely obsessing over this team. I have been totally amped all summer long and ready for football, for many reasons. Some of it is nostalgia, football season is a ritual and kicks off my favorite time of the year (September and October) and just has a ton of sentimental value, as I’m sure it does for most of us. Rituals are important in my life and football is one of those rituals. With that being said, I was extremely optimistic over the Gase hiring. I’ve already put all my chips in on Darnold being THE guy (and I still do). l too was frustrated by the timing of the Mac firing, but relieved they made the right move albeit 5 months too late, and loved the Douglas hiring. I knew we had holes coming into the season but I was hoping against hope that those holes were not as big as perceived, and that for once we might be that surprise franchise and have a couple miracles go our way. I went into this season expecting 10-6 with a playoff run and I let all my friends know about it. I idealize myself to be a very balanced person, I work hard at my career, I meditate everyday, and generally tend to think I am not your "typical football fan." In fact, I am arrogant enough to think I am definitely smarter than the average football fan (and usually when I go to football games I am proven right). Yet somehow, someway, I get sucked into the mania. I become obsessed and put all my emotional chips in on this team. Time and time again they remind me how ridiculous that is and they bitch slap me, like they did the other day. Not only did this team lose, but they found a historically new way to CHOKE away an easily winnable game. SOJ. So there I am, after an off season of hope and optimism, sitting in the parking lot of Metlife stadium watching Bills fans run around like they just won the super bowl. I feel utterly dumb, and feel as if the season is already over. Thank you for that lesson, for the umpteenth time. I am reminded to focus on my personal life and career (wow what a concept) and that football should be a fun thing on the side for entertainment, not a central obsession. Thank you for that (painfully obvious) lesson, because the Jets give it to me time and time again and how quickly do I forget. I am reminded I need to find a new way of watching football, that is healthier for me, so I am not giving myself a fucking heart attack every time I sit down to watch a game. It’s just a game….. I find it hard to even watch other football when the Jets suffer crushing defeats. This Sunday I told myself, man up and watch football the rest of the day. It’s what I planned on doing, so turning off football for the rest of the day would have been cowardly. I am reminded to enjoy the game for what it is, not just for the reward of seeing my team win. So then I got to watch the Pats just completely dismantle the Steelers, and it feels like yet another season destined for Brady and Co. while the Jets wallow in mediocrity (at best). Instead of looking for ways to jump back into the mania, I need to retain some of what I have learned here. So when the Jets finally do become a competitive team, I can still maintain some balance and remind myself never to get too sucked in, even when we are good. When that happens you end up like Eagles fans eating horse shit because your team finally won. When we win I want to feel good about it, not like I just got released from prison or like some rabid dog. Bowles/Mac and company really drained the joy out of my football life the last 4 years. That was an AWFUL stretch and I think that is what got me so amped for this season, just the mere fact that they are gone. I am so sick of being a joke team. But then this sunday raised so many doubts for me, do we have the right QB? Do we have the right HC? Do we have the right DC? Part of me now could see us going 1-15 this year. The answer is : I don’t know, but now is not the time to panic. I believed in this team all offseason, maybe I have to adjust my expectations a bit, but week 2 is no time to throw in the towel. So now with my renewed sense of balance and stability in my approach to watching football , I am looking forward to week 2 MNF against the Browns, but with less of the fury and madness and more of the curious, pure, and slightly detached (in a good way) passion that a true lover of the game would have. I took off of work so I could tailgate because I was so excited about this game, and I won’t let that change because of Week 1, this will be an excellent football game. Ultimately it is a good thing, the Jets are teaching me how to appreciate football from a balanced perspective. It may seem like a joke but they have taught me life lessons that can only come from heartbreak and defeat. As a season ticket holder, spending time with my Father at the games is the most important part, but goddamn it we wouldn’t mind winning or god forbid hosting a home playoff game, which we have never had in our 13th year as season ticket holders. We have family down in Philadelphia so we are going to see that game this year at the Linc (wish me luck) and we are making a tradition to go to Fedex Field every time the Jets play in D.C. so we are doing that this year for the first time since 2011. I hope the Jets can at least be competitive this year and not make me feel stupid for buying these tickets, but I will be without expectations, just like meditation teaches , and will simply enjoy every moment for what it is. I have been searching for the zen of football my whole life and maybe now I have finally found it.