There has been a lot of whispering as of late so Jets management has decided to release a news bulletin to update our fanbase on our current progress, and to clear up any misconceptions. From our offices to your ears, here is our current news update for your New York Jets. Behold, a New QB Commeth The Jets would like to welcome back distinguished Superbowl winner Joe Flacco to the fold. Flacco has recently garnered such acclaim as narrowly edging out Sam Darnold in last years poll, "who is a better QB". So buckle up Jet fans! Your slightly better than Sam Darnold QB is on the way. Jets Choose Electric New Locker Room Motto! It has come to our attention that our current motto isn't getting us many wins, or selling enough jerseys. So we have decided to change it. The motto, "all gas no break" has now been switched to "don't tase me bro". The new motto has already been hailed for being more inclusive, as well as accurately capturing that game day feel. Coach Saleh was quick to add, "being tased is a great lesson in overcoming adversity". Jets Make MAJOR Trade! Management would like to announce that we have traded Quinnen Williams for 4 first round draft picks. The front office has mentioned they plan to use one of these picks on a first round TE - and the other three on a bag of magic beans. When asked about the magic beans an insider stated, "we're pretty sure there is a good defensive tackle up there somewhere". No word back yet from scouts sent to confirm this. A New Safe Saftey Project In other trade news, the Jets moved on from safety Marcus Maye. The two sides couldn't come to terms and Maye was allowed to walk. In response the front office has signed project Eli Apple to a 3 year 35 million dollar deal. The defensive coaches have all communicated their excitement about the future possibilities Apple brings to the position. Exciting Projects and Experiments The coaches have communicated their desire to try out our first round tight end at center, where we feel he can be a really good scheme fit. "In this scheme you need a center who is quick, but also one who can catch batted balls," LeFleur was quoted as saying. The Jets plan on filling this hole by trading a 3rd round pick for Chris Herndon. Were all anxious to see the results of this exciting experiment. Zach Wilson Flies High Management would like to take a moment to address the slanderous rumor that Zach Wilson has played horribly over the first 6 games. "Its almost like they didn't see that one laser TD pass to Corey Davis", said Johnson. Management would like to clarify that Wilson was indeed, not horrible. It just that opposing defenses have been behaving horribly towards him. There is a big difference, and if the average fan cannot recognize that, then maybe they are the ones who are horrible, and they probably hate the Jets. Management would appreciate stopping with the Zach Wilson misinformation and rumors. New Linebackers Coming The front office has been working overtime to fill the holes at LB with some really promising candidates. Were negotiating with Avery Williamson to return to the white and green, once he gets off his on crutches, and later in the week we are working our Darrin Lee, who coaches insist "is a really good scheme fit". Leadership Abounds! It has come to our attention that with the loss of Maye there have been some whispers that the locker room lacks leadership. When asked an anonymous coach replied, "That's simply not true. This roster is full of leaders. Everyone on this team is a leader. They are all leaders of each other. So I don't want to hear about this leadership stuff anymore." Jets management would like to remind you that it was our idea to only sign leaders. We love leaders and feel there is nothing more exciting then rooting for a team full of leaders. That's why we have the most leaders in the league. That's all for this month. Tune in next month for another insider update to learn what exciting developments have taken place with our beloved Jets. ---------------------- Sorry guys, but I thought this would blow off some of the steam around here. Go Jets.
Most teams have lame slogans and stuff to rally around. I always thought all gas, no break was dumb as fuck though. And it's even worse for a guy that's supposedly scared to yell at football players in one of the worlds most violent theatrical spectacle.
