Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger. No, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it!
Its easy to grin when your ship has come in and you have the stock market beat, but a man thats worth while is the man who can smile when his shorts are too tight for his seat.
Sandy: "I want you to kill every gopher on the course!" Carl Spackler: "Check me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key..." Sandy: "Gophers, ya great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!" Carl Spackler: "We can do that... we don't even have to have a reason."
Al Czervik: ...let's go while we're young! Judge Smails: Mind Sir? Trying to tee off. Al Czervik: ...I bet ya slice into the woods! A hundred bucks! Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice. [the judge hits the ball, and it goes flying into some trees, in response, he shouts in frustration] Al Czervik: Okay, you can owe me! Judge Smails: [mad] I owe you nothing!
Dr. Beeper: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year. Ty Webb: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
Tony D'Annunzio: Another Rob Roy, Bishop? Bishop: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already. Judge Smails: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency. Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you. Judge Smails: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes. Bishop: There is no God...
