In the WTF Ear Bleed Dept.

I never even heard of this woman, and
I'm glad that I haven't. Now I can't hold a tune to save my life and everybody who knows me runs if I ever start singing, so who am I to fingerpoint, right? Wrong. My rendition of 'Some Enchanted Evening' has been used as a torture device and a tool of war (allegedly), which actually qualifies me to fingerpoint with every finger on both hands.



Hahahahaha, PAIN. Where is Ashlee Simpson when you need her?

EDIT & P.S.: Look at the player with the red bandana about 1/4 of the way through. The look on his face, hahaha. You don't want to be disrespectful, of course, because it's the National Anthem, but I wouldn't blame him if he started laughing. Keep in mind that Roseanne Barr's hatchet job was on purpose.

 

Britney Spears, anyone? That's an entirely separate sad story, but she seriously can't sing.

 

Usually drunk people can hold a tune better than usual.

 

Drunk or not, I do a better job than this singing in the shower. My dog runs for cover as he well should. Hey, at least I'm not faking the suck.

I generally detest "Country Music". The modern appeal evades me. Trucks, dumped by a gf, guns, dead Momma, boozing, getting laid, God, lost muh job, Jesus, the Bible, it's so formulaic. It sucks! IT SUCKS! IT SUCCCCKKKKKSSS! I said it, I'm glad and I'm never taking it back. Fck you, Kenny Chesney. God awful.

 

I should probably clarify what I mean about "Country Music". I'm talking incarnations over the last let's say 35 years.

It's become a useless parody of itself. Patsy Cline would've nailed the national anthem (I love Patsy Cline), and she's a shining example of what I mean. Emmylou Harris, Johnny Cash, Gram Parsons, Tammy Wynette, the list goes on and on. It's this annoying shit kicking garbage today that's just the worst. Ugh.

 

So here's my final word on the kerfuffle. The national anthem is a notoriously difficult song to sing, so there's always that; but hammered or not, I don't think she can sing. I went down this crazy national anthem rabbit hole, and man, there are some whoppers out there, hahaha.

I think part of the problem is that some singers just cannot resist the urge to showboat. Christina Aguilera, that was terrible. Lady Gaga played it pretty straight and it was a BILLION times better (Lady Gaga actually CAN sing).

I think if people did just that - played it straight - there would in general be a much better result. All of the trilling shit, going high in that gimmicky way in odd places, or breathy nonsense that usually sucks, bleh.

I highly recommend the Kat DeLuna version. Why? Because it's hilariously terrible!!! It seems that millions of other people have gone down the same national anthem rabbit hole because you're seeing Ingrid Andress's name everywhere in the comments. It is really, really funny. The Fergie one? Michael Bolton? Both also notably terrible.

They just might want to keep it to instrumental in the future, ha. Just keep it simple. Where is John Amirante and his bad rug when you need him?

 

This kind of belongs (?). Talk about bad singing, this is legendary, but I'll tell you WHY it's legendary. She's a comedian and punked everyone. She kept it a secret originally. She is not mentally ill. Probably the best piece of performance art I've ever seen. God love ya, Mary Roach.

 

Get a job, bitch!

 

Someone called her version 'The Star Strangled Banner', probably one of the funniest things I've ever read.