When saving whales was a thing. And some tubby, white-haired guy got to cruise around the Southern Ocean on Bob Barker’s dime, plugging rich, white chicks who ran away to punish daddy by harassing a bunch of hardworking Japanese dudes, who only want to enjoy the occasional pleasure of a humpback and cheese sandwich. 10th dead whale washes ashore in N.Y.-N.J. region How many more, Mr. Speaker! How many more! Carry on.
I also remember seeing the word “unisex” on the sign of some hair salon and wondering what it meant. I think I’m starting to get it now. Maybe. Plus, I remember when it was called a hair salon.
I also remember wasting perfectly good teenage boners on HBO scramble-porn, and never even considering for one second that Miss Gleason, my smoking-hot, 9th Grade Spanish teacher, might want to throw caution to the wind, risk indictment, and use it, instead of the plastic “massager” she picked up as Spencer Gifts. I was a-fucking-dorable! I would have liked to have been “assaulted” had I known! Plus, I remember when I was adorable. oh, and Spencer Gifts. I remember that, too.
I remember Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla. Once. I mean, I remember unpacking adjectives and hooking up trains and such way more. But, yeah - I remember Rufus. Never was he more needed.
I also remember when you’d have to just spend the day wondering who Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla was, and when googling sounded like something that’d get you labeled a perv.
I remember old school hockey. Like Eddie Shore. And Toe Blake. And I remember not to play Lady of Spain ever again.
I remember school shopping at Sears. Dumbest company on the planet. Invented catalog shopping and let some dumbass bookseller break them in pieces. I also remember Roebuck. Poor sap. Now rolling around in his grave. And Toughskins. I remember those.
I remember when people could objectively think about things, instead of waiting on the instant gratification of some random person sending a "tweet".... ahhh the good ole days
I remember when a dumpy, bleached-out, sexually-ambiguous somebody with a “boys regular” haircut and a backseat littered with spent coffee cups and Filet-o-fish wrappers was a Saturday Night Live skit. But I didn’t laugh then either. Saturday Night Live. I think I kinda remember that too.
I swear I’ma spend the rest of the day seeing where I can buy one. I’m a nostalgic kinda guy. But I also remember when I’d have to pick up the Car Finder thing off a rack by the door at 7-11 to do that.
I remember thinking there was no possible way it could make money and survive. Yesterday. I also remember when Elon just was some college, but I had no clue where it was. Still don’t.
Going into Spencer's was the consolation prize of being dragged to the mall by our parents..... fascinated by the Weird Science "Lightning Ball". Once I accepted that the parental units wouldnt spring for the $300 for one, we'd move to the "back" of the store to ogle over all of the 11 yr old "contraband" stuff..... I remember "Malls"
I remember swimming with 100 strangers in a pool that was towed around behind a truck from neighborhood to neighborhood
I remember having rock fights on Stony Hill when I was 8. I also remember being pegged right in the middle of my forehead and having a huge lump there for a whole month.
