10. "The only way to come back and make that be the right decision would be to come back and win a Super Bowl." Speaker: Brett Favre Context: Spoken during Favre's teary Green Bay Packers retirement news conference. Absurd because: New York Jets playoff tickets are really hard to come by. Numerical score: 84 Favre fell a little short.
Here are the top 9. 1. "I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead." Speaker: Roger Clemens Context: During a national television interview, offered as a reason the former MLB pitcher couldn't possibly have used performance-enhancing drugs. Absurd because: Offered with a completely straight face. Numerical score: 100 2 . "That's my teammate ... (sniff) ... that's my ... (sniff) ... quarter ... (barely audible) ... back." Speaker: Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens Context: Talking about Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo following a playoff loss to the New York Giants. Absurd because: T.O. was talking about a teammate, not a tragically cracked full-length mirror. Numerical score: 99.9 3. "He's got to just stay to himself and swallow it ... because everybody wanna try the football player." Speaker: Former NFL running back and Leavenworth inmate Bam Morris Context: Unsolicited incarceration advice for former NFL quarterback Michael Vick. Absurd because: Real quote ... or episode synopsis for HBO's "Oz"? Numerical score: 95 4. "It's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds." Speaker: Suspended Dallas Stars agitator Sean Avery Context: Two of Avery's exes -- actress Elisha Cuthbert and model Rachel Hunter -- reportedly are dating other NHL players. Absurd because: Avery summoned a camera crew before speaking and ended his comments with, "Enjoy the game tonight!" Numerical score: 92 5. "Is it hard to swallow? Yeah, it's a big turkey going down my throat, a couple bones sticking in there." Speaker: Then-Detroit Lions coach Rod Marinelli Context: After the Lions' 48-25 loss to Green Bay in Week 2. Absurd because: It didn't come after the Lions' 47-10 loss to Tennessee on Thanksgiving. Numerical score: 91 6. "I think they do it to look good in the lobby in their three-piece suit." Speaker: Roger Clemens Context: The Rocket explaining why athletes use performance-enhancing drugs in the first place. Absurd because: Clemens wore a two-piece suit to subsequent Capitol Hill steroids hearings ... thereby proving his innocence! Numerical score: 90 7. "I believe in the invisible. I do." Speaker: Then-Detroit Lions coach Rod Marinelli Context: Explaining to reporters how he maintains faith in himself and his team despite a 0-13 record. Er, attempting to explain. Absurd because: Inexplicable failure to also mention the Great Pumpkin. Numerical score: 88 8. "Kobe, tell me how my a-- tastes." Speaker: Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O'Neal Context: During a freestyle rap at a New York nightclub, O'Neal taunted Kobe Bryant for failing to win a championship on his own. (On a classier note, The Diesel also blamed his former teammate for the breakup of his marriage.) Absurd because: Beyond the "during a freestyle rap at a New York nightclub" part? Numerical score: 87 9. "I used my pants to illustrate." Speaker: San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Singletary Context: With his club trailing 20-3 at halftime, Singletary dropped his trousers during a locker room speech, the better to "dramatize" how poorly the 49ers were playing. Absurd because: Prompted a sentence never before seen in NFL wire copy: "The coach was wearing boxers." Numerical score: 85 Here's the link http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hruby/081231&sportCat=nfl
