Stories and anecdotes... interesting, funny, etc.

Discussion in 'BS Forum' started by Aewhistory, Dec 18, 2015.

  1. Aewhistory

    Aewhistory Well-Known Member

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    Okay, so we have a thread dedicated to inappropriate humor, but I thought it would be enjoyable to have a different thread for a slightly different purpose: to tell funny stories and anecdotes. I love this sort of stuff as it really makes the past come alive, so I hope that you all will share. They can be personal/family or just something you've read. I'll start off with a few to give some examples of what I'm talking about. Here goes:

    Dorothy Parker was a writer in the middle 20th century and well known for her wit. One day she was playing a word game with friends where you were given a word and then had to use it in a sentence. Well, someone gave her the word "horticulture". Dorothy thought about it for a moment and then came up with her sentence: "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."

    After Dorothy Parker was married she went on a honeymoon just like most of us. Apparently her editor was eager to get some more work out of her and sent her a telegram asking her to finish her latest article while still on her honeymoon. Dorothy sent an immediate reply, refusing, and saying:
    "Too fucking busy. And vice versa."


    Now a personal story from the repertoire of my dear departed grandmother (I called her Nan). She was not a dainty woman. In her youth she got into quite a few fist fights and had tendency to use sayings like "shit or get off the pot" and often referred to people as "meaner than batshit." Yea, that was my granny.... So many years ago, before I was born, there were apparently some Jehovah's Witnesses who came to visit her home. They were just as friendly and courteous as JW's always are and Nan invited them in--but she also had something in mind for them. As they were sitting down my grandmother began her spiel, " I am so glad you are here. You see, I have been hoping someone would stop by so I could introduce them to the Roman Catholic Church. I attend St. Anthony's just down the street I would like to bring you down to church so you can learn more about my faith and we can save your souls. I know father Mark would love to meet you...." She then got back up and grabbed her coat and suggested they head off to the church right now so her new JW friends could immediately be introduced to the workings of Roman Catholicism. The JW missionaries had hardly gotten a word in by this point and weren't going to any Catholic Church, so off they went. In just a couple minutes Nan had gotten the missionaries in and out of her house and they never came back. The funny thing is that my grandmother was hardly a practicing Catholic; when I was born she was strongly in favor that I be raised Jewish.

    Yea, she was a strange bird.... So come all peeps, you've got to have some amusing stories.
     
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  2. RuJFan

    RuJFan Well-Known Member

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    When I was 18 I was working on the first aid squad. Back in the old country it wasn't like here - a city job and full crew had a doctor, a nurse and a paramedic, that'd be me. The gig was to treat at home if possible and transport to a hospital if necessary. Mine was a cardio crew and the hours were 15-hr shift, then 24hrs the next day followed by 3 days off. Stereotypically, we were drinking starting about 10 am, barely 3 hours into the shift and continued throughout the day. Drivers had their own rotation, not related to medical staff so DUI was no problem and by evening, when following took place, we were all half-way drunk, except student-intern from local nurse school.

    We got a call at about 9 pm. The short description dispatcher gave was "68 yo, trouble breathing". The apartment was on 14th floor of 16-story building and my doctor was so drunk he kept missing the elevator door, the nurse and I were dying laughing.

    Got upstairs, rang the bell - nobody answers. I knock on the door and it just comes ajar, so we are getting in. Sure enough, the call was no BS - 72 yo woman is in the process of having a heart attack - chest pain, hard time inhaling and yellow saliva coming out uncontrollably -- the whole 9 yards.

    Keep in mind, doctor is so drunk he barely found elevator door a minute ago; nurse (it's a guy, btw) is just slightly better. I'm the most sober of the three, but I have no med degree. Oh and I just noticed that the damn intern is slowly sliding down the wall, I guess she didn't expect what real med world looks like.

    To this day I don't know how, but when I turned to the doc, he was completely sober. I'm talking about like he never drunk in his life. I was still thinking what to do when he was already by the patient, screaming at the nurse to open the fucking medicine box and at me to start charging defibrillator.

    At the end, we saved her, brought to the hospital alive, that is. The highlight was carrying her down 14 stories of stairs because the elevator was too narrow to fit the stretcher. And you can guess what was the first thing doc did after we got out of the hospital ;)

    Next time maybe I'll tell you the story of when dispatch gave us "18 yo, foreign body in vagina" call :) it was 2 am and all men at the station suddenly were more than willing to ride instead. Because we, kids, need our rest, of course :)
     
    #2 RuJFan, Dec 19, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2015
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  3. JStokes

    JStokes Well-Known Member

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    I was in a club once and my Glock slid down my sweat pants leg and the gun went off and I shot myself in the leg.

    _
     
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  4. RuJFan

    RuJFan Well-Known Member

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    Ok I gotta ask...

    By "Glock" you mean a gun or something else from down your sweat pants? 'Cause I gotta say, this is not a pretty picture. :)

    Also, did the mayor get involved?
     
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  5. stinkyB

    stinkyB 2009 Best Avatar Award Winner

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    Paging VickBlows....... please pick up the white courtesy keyboard
     
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  6. abyzmul

    abyzmul R.J. MacReady, 21018 Funniest Member Award Winner

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    No shit.
     
  7. Brook!

    Brook! Soft Admin...2018 Friendliest Member Award Winner

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    It was a slow day in Rotterdam 2 days ago. I left the office at around 6 PM and headed to my hotel. Dropped my laptop and took a shower and headed out for dinner. There was a very close Argentinian restaurant near my hotel so I decided to give it a try.

    I entered the restaurant and they showed me my table. I sat there and from where I sat I could see the bar area.

    Oh my.

    Couldn't believe my eyes. Abyzmul and Stokes were hanging out with 4 blondes. Of course I wanted to be a part of action and approached them so I could enjoy rest of the night but abyzmul and Stokes were so adamant.

    They said get lost you Muslim piece of trash. Leave us alone. Let the hotel stewerdess's comfort you.

    I left there crying. Still couldn't get over it.

    Believe me people. Jets brethren mean nothing to some of our board members.
     
  8. NY Jets68

    NY Jets68 Well-Known Member

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    Yer llama!
     
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