Without having to pour all details online, my family tends to be all about themselves. Mainly my uncles and aunts. I seem to be the only one that likes to talk and settle things by doing just that. If you want me to not be so vague, PM me. I'm asking this question because currently im taking care of a loved one (an elderly) and doing this has been very stressful as I try to balance other things like school and then "baby sitting" when home. At times I feel like im wasting time as I should be doing other things while im still in my 20s. My aunt for example is well off. Shes has her masters, makes good money and every now and then would call on the weekends to tell everyone that shes going to travel to said place while my mom is at home (not so well off like my aunt), as well as I am taking care of someone SHE should be helping taking care of. When my aunt does show up with is very rare, she appears to not understand the situation and no matter what you try to do to beam it in her head that I need help and so does my mom, she doesnt seem to get it. No one has really sat her down to have a long talk though but I plan on doing just that. She also appears to be anti social meaning she is unaware of how her actions effect others. Anyway im tired of this and I figure I should call a meeting to lay some sh!t down. I'm at the point that if my aunt doesnt get it im just going to have to cut her off completely as this has been going on for damn near 5 years now! I figure that family should stick together and if that said person helped you get to where you are at today while they sacrifice a TON to make sure you did, you owe it to them to take care of them when they are sick, not the nephew!
She gets I bet she doesn't want to help and is all about herself. The only thing u can do is talk to her and if she still doesn't help cut her out of your life.
ok. Im thinking of a way to bring it up without sounding like a ass hat. Dont want to start things off on a bad note. Anyway thanks for replying.
Facebook? j/k Look, it's hard for anyone to offer specific advice on how to handle this. But you seem to be focusing on one aunt that is well-to-do and is in her own world. I'm not unfamiliar with that type of situation, but our situations are different. Is she the only one you mentioned because she's the only one that is financially able? What about the other aunts and uncles you mentioned? Are they completely out of the picture? If you want to call a family meeting about helping your grandma, you can't turn it into a "let's get aunt moneybucks to take care of this" session. It's got to be a group effort. They all have to help share your burden, otherwise this aunt that you think think should help the most won't be responsive. At least in my experience. Edit: I just realized that you didn't specify a grandparent, I'm sorry. If it's a parent, I'm more sorry, but the same thing I said would apply with the info you provided.
And then you fuck her in the butt? I'm sorry, your sincere and thoughtful post has me confused. Sexually.
From your initial post it doesn't sound like you particularly like these people so I think a simple, direct one on one approach would be more effective than calling some dramatic family meeting. If you want or need money from them ask for it. You can't force someone to give their time but I imagine most people with the means would be happy to write a check to make them feel better about themselves(this is assuming they care enough to feel bad about doing nothing but not enough to actually do something). Just make sure you frame it like they're the hero doing some great thing, don't come at them with the "fuck you it's about time you pitched in" energy that's dripping from your first post.
shes the target because out of the other 3 she is financially stable (loaded) and also lives very close by (NYC). My uncle works all day not making much and he does chip in every now and then but over the year or so hes been slowing down in helping out. But at least he acknowledges the situation. My mom doesnt talk to her sister much (this aunt im targeting) as she feels she shouldnt ask her to help, it should be automatic. The other aunt is many states away, a doctor, and pretty much gave the finger to the family decades ago. Basically theres been a lot of back and forth but no one has been able to structure a meeting. I'm trying to do that because similar to the last thread about the girl, I want to at least try so I dont have to say "what if" later. If it fails ok but at least give it a go for once. Also im tired of baby sitting. My sister took off as well, so its just me and my mom at this point which is driving me nuts and with that said, im not even sure im doing the right thing. Many people that I talk to tell me they dont know how I manage to go to school then run home to take care of said person. Others tell me to just move on with my life like the others have.
How about a phone call, to all parties that should be involved? Call a meeting at the house of said individual who is in need if being taken care of, their opinion an desires have to be taken into consideration in all of this, by law if a person has their wits about them they can make decisions for themselves. And maybe then everyone else involved in the situation can work around said persons desires. Making it easier on all.
Maybe I'm in the minority here... I would be pissed off too. You're not set in life, you should be out there doing your own thing. If it were me I'd call the aunt out and tell her she's a fucking shitty person. I would shame the shit out of her greedy self centered ass. She should be helping to take care of HER mom, not you. Reality is it's rare that people change, if you stop helping that's prob just putting more burden on your mom.
So is it your mother? You still haven't specified your relationship to the person you keep saying that you are babysitting other than they are "an elderly".
Some factors involved are: How well you interact with your other uncles/aunts - I understand about the Dr. aunt. Do you think they would support you in a direct plea to your wealthy aunt? The condition of the person you are caretaking for. I'm not going to ask for specifics, but I'd it just old age, or are there other medical factors involved? Is this about maybe asking the wealthy aunt to help out with a hospice home type deal? Instead of constant care at a relative's house?
If that's the case, then social services for senior citizens or the mentally challenged should be involved, I'm not telling you what to do, but they can offer a multitude of different options that take a lot of pressure off the families. It will take a little work to get someone in, and do the interview, but it will bring long term benefits to you and your family.
What's that old saying: "You can choose your friends, but not your family". Evidently, there's some business involved here that you're not privy to YET. There's a reason why your Aunt is so self absorbed with regard to her siblings and kin. Now I don't know the pecking order in your family, but if you command any respect at all, you need to bring this out front and find out the details perhaps privately. Is there some history you don't know about? People carry grudges a really long time. Find a older relative that can provide you the information you need. If nothing else, you'll have a clearer picture of the history. I'm sure the answers to your dilemma lies in their past. I'm a firm believer in "things not happening in a vacuum" aka: cause and effect. Once you find out what the rub is, your job will be a lot simpler. I'm here to help.
