For the members who have been married for a long time...

Obviously it is in our DNA to want to "mate" with every beautiful woman we see. I wanted a companion for life. We have been together for almost 10 years and married for 5 in a few months. We all enjoy sex, but it isn't the most important thing in the world. Not being alone when I'm 40-50-60 is just as important to me.

 

I am only about 2.5 years in and while it isn't always easy and you give up some stuff (like sleeping with a lot of different women) IMO, on the whole, I am happier with one person through everything than a night here and there with random girls.

 

Currently in your same dilemma Mute. Except I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years in August, and we have an almost 2 year old son together. I am so hesitant on tying the knot even though it is the right thing to do.. My parents never married so I don't hold the same value of marriage as she does. Her family is old school Italian Catholics so you know how that goes. I am probably going to propose to her this year because I can't see myself with anyone else and I love her and we have been thru so much... It is very scary tho. Would rather not do it if it were up to me but I know it is important to her, so that is enough for me.

 

Fucking a lot of hot women makes for a great youth.

If all you have the rest of your life is the pursuit of fucking hot women, you have a pretty miserable life.

It'll be 12 years of marriage for me this August. We have three children, two dogs, a wonderful home, and far more happiness than I ever had when I was free and able to do as I please.

No beautiful woman has ever made me feel as good as the enjoyment of my children, and knowing they are home with a great mother who is teaching them to be great human beings as they grow up, who cooks, cleans and does all the other things that enables me to support them is far more satisfying that a few seconds of ejaculation.

if you have different values that is fine. but I have to wonder how happy George Clooney is really going to be in his old age, all alone, and knowing when he passes on he has likely made zero personal impact on this world.

we have old pictures from as far back as the turn of the century of our great grandparents and grandparents throughout our house. We have named our children after our great grand parents, grand parents and parents. Those people live on and have a true personal legacy even though they are gone. One day I will be as well, but I hope I have enough impact on my children's and grand children's lives that I live on in their memories as well. I don't believe running through hot chicks would have more value than that.

 

Pretty much how I feel.

13 years of marriage here and 2 kids. Almost 8 year old twin boys.

To me, life is more than fucking every possible beautiful girl. Having kids and a loving wife far exceeds my urges of fucking a super hot woman.

Jay Bizz

Hop on the train buddy.

If you guys are together for so long and you can't find a reason not to marry her, just do it. Just my humble opinion though

 

I had a lot of fun pre-marriage, I wasn't a guy that was always in relationships. I always kept my options open but when I committed to my wife I was all in. One thing you guys probably know about me is I am a loyal person whether it's family, friends, work, sports teams, etc.... and I take that very seriously. I don't put myself in bad situations where bad things can happen. I travel for work now and then and I see other married guys going out drinking and "having fun", I go to my hotel room, watch TV, read, watch a game, etc... I never put my marriage in jeopardy.

 

Your values will simply change as you mature. That's not to suggest that you are immature. Instead you are of college age. At 25 when you are in the working world your values will change. One early morning, as you turn over to look at the young lady you met and took home the night before, it will be different. You don't have the urge to get dressed as fast as you can and get out of there. You want to stay. You want to get to know this person. You want to talk to this girl. It's called falling in love and that is a game changer. Suddenly, there will still be hot looking women but you just aren't distracted by them.

 

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Relationships/marriages are about shared experiences. Banging a bunch of women is fun, but just in the moment.

When you want to look back with the woman you are with about trips you've taken, things you've done, ups and downs, having someone with you for the ride is important.

I was married to my college sweetheart, raised 4 great kids, built a home, traveled the world. Together 25 years. Lived life to the fullest. She died of breast cancer at the too young age of 44, was sick the last 6 years of her life. My kids were 4, 6, 8 and 10 when diagnosed, 10, 12, 14 and 16 when she passed. We had incredible memories together, would give anything to reminisce with her again, just one more time.

It's about shared experiences. Not living for the moment. That's all I've got.

_

 

Stokes

My condolonces. My respect for you has skyrocketed right now. I hope your wife is in heaven and your kids can have a wonderful life.

 

I've banged more than my share of women and after a while, you notice that they all come with standard equipment. The older you get, the older the women you deal with get and they have different expectations for a relationship. Anybody can fuck, but not everybody can love. You tend to narrow down what you want out of life and once you realize that doing life alone sucks, you start looking more for a pardner than a piece of ass.

I've been married 3 times and this is my 14th year with my wife. I'm good. I'm sure there's hotter sex out there but man, these days you really have to take into account..BAGGAGE!! You also have to realize that slinging dick when you're past a certain age becomes more or less problematic. You can't bang the younger chicks because they will become expensive and high maintenance and if you work for a living, do you really want to have to deal with a difficult relationship every night? Hell No. You have to be real careful with the older chicks because the aggressive ones are cougars and only want younger men. Other older chicks maybe have been burned so many times that they're damaged to the extent that they'll never be able to have a healthy relationship ever again. You're working in a really tight window.

As you can tell, the older you get, the more complicated things get that used to be as simple as get her in bed, then get her on her way soon as possible. Me? I found my best friend, my pardner and my better half. I still look at the hotties and can flirt with the best of them. However, you have to know the difference between quality, quantity and of course, consequences.

There's no free ride man. Particularly with women. Once you find the right one, you better keep her.

JMHO.

 

My lady is rich.

 

Gotta tell you, we all thought it would get better with time. Nope. As they get older the ratio of life with her and life without her is seriously degrading. Baptisms, communions, school plays, fun children stuff pales in comparison to HS and college graduations, varsity sports championships, relationships, adult stuff. My 4 kids will all have gone to and graduated college, gotten married and had kids-my wife's grandchildren-without her. They are all home for Easter because the all needed to be here-my wife's birthday would have been Monday, and it's just indescribably satisfying yet sorrowful what we are all experiencing this weekend. I wouldn't wish this on My mortal enemy.

Life ain't fair. But nobody said it was.

From my Eulogy to her: Plan for the future but live for today. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

_

 

Very well said Stokes. My wife also has a benign tumor on her left breast and your story stroke close to home. Have a wonderful weekend with your kids.

 

If you want to hump different women, your life will become difficult after 30. You will get uglier and fatter. You won't be in a college environment with young, horny drunk chicks ready for action.

 

Unless you are Ben Roethlisberger.


Seriously, at some point you just realize that you'd rather spend time with this great person you've found than running after some other tail. You'll know when it happens. And don't expect that just because it has happened, you won't still be jonesing for some strange.

 

But if you're lucky, they'll get uglier and fatter. Hell, anyone can get it up for a fox…..it takes a man to pork a hog.

Mute, some good "big picture" reflections in the earlier posts. Myself, in my single years I looked to nail every babe that wasn't nailed down and over the course of my single life "the fish were biting" (i.e. outside of a good BJ). : )

THEN…..you meet her: there's something different about her. Yes she's attractive, yes she's intelligent and yes, she causes you to get that "in love" yearning ache in the pit of your stomach. But beyond that, she's rock solid as a person: this is a person with whom you can grow as an individual, here is a person who in effect says to you "I vow to share my life with you" (pretty flattering in and of itself) and as simplistic and confusing as this may sound, here is a person that I can not only be in love with but be in "like" with. Seriously, a lot of times love based purely on lust can blind you to some of the other dynamics that make up a person and by extention, a committed relationship. At this stage of my life I don't have to prove anything to myself, that is, have I still "got it?" At the risk of sounding like a total douche (lol) I know I don't because I not only love women as the sexy wall-sockets-with-fur that they are but because I am genuinely fond of them and they sense it, my non-creepy flirting skills and alarmingly blue eyes notwithstanding.

You've got to really like the person as a person as well. The 'like' puts greater fullfillment and depth to the "forever and then some" love. I have a Japanese doctor friend who brought his old country/old school chauvinism with him to NY. He one time told me in a blase' tone of voice: "wives are for marrying, girlfriends are for fucking" and he was serious. I'm sure there will come a day when he'll feel the juggling act isn't worth it anymore, and when that day come, I sometimes wonder how he'll view his wife…..meaning will there be parts of her (e.g. intimacy) that is a 'stranger' to him?? I don't know. I'm only glad I haven't walked in his shoes.

You sound like you have a lot of wilderness to still explore. Enjoy the journey (and in the meantime be careful and remember to strap your shit). You're a bright person - when that day and 'that girl' comes, you'll know.

 

Take it from someone who's been married 3 times and finally got it right. Jay, its time to go "all in" with this woman. With a child involved, you might break up with her, but you'll always be in her life thru your son. After 8 years, exactly what do you think will be different? She'll still be the woman you've been with all these years with the security of a marriage contract. Fact is, marriage validates her relationship with you especially if she's Catholic. Marry her, and you'll have a woman that knows the value of loyalty and virtue. You can build a life with this woman and yanno what? Time flies man.

Unless you still have a "mountain to climb" somewhere in your world, do yourself a favor and get the best woman you'll probably come across under a lifetime contract and on the team. All women come with standard equipment. The differences can be found between their ears, not their legs..

 

That is awful to hear, my condolences to you and your family.