St. Aaron of the Latter-Day Draft Busts welcomes you to his undersized chapel. All followers shall be bound by the following commandments. (i) Thou shalt be undernourished. (ii) Thou shalt trip over your own feet. (iii) Thou shalt conduct intelligent post-game interviews. (iv) Thou shalt run, like, really fast. (v) Thou shalt end Tom Brady's career (vi-x) Thou shalt create TGG threads with religious imagery after just four sacks. Rev. Cesspool will be along in a minute with sacramental bread and Gatorade.
Be calm servant, for if which you state were true, this service would be shut down. But is it Aaron Maybin we speak of. One of Revis' most devout followers. The master is allowing such proceedings to take place.
Haha, love the thread title although I didn't realize it was next to Best Buy. I thought it was in a shopping plaza sandwiched between Rodrigo's Taco Shack and World of Hubcaps?
Amen. I think it's time to pass around the collection plate until someone runs up from behind and smacks it out of your hand.
And lo when he found himself in the land of the Pennsylvanians, Aaron spake unto Lord Revis and said: "I thank thee Lord, for thy gift of speed, and the unstoppable hustle that thou hast deemed fit to grant me. Thou hast made me most comely unto the eyes of NFL scouts, and thus do they woo me with promises of kine and myrrh and a high draft choice. But thou dost me grievous wrong, my Lord! Verily hast thou created me barren of pass-rushing moves, nary a spin nor a swim-move with which thou hast blessed many other, humbler linebackers. Also hast thou molded me alike to the toothpick. Thus on many plays do I wander aimlessly in the empty backfield in search of the promised sack. Would it not please the Lord to see thy servant smite thine enemies upon the field of football? Wouldst thou not rejoice to see thy name glorified in many sacks and pressures and tackles for a loss? I beseech thee Lord Revis, bestow upon me thy boon of playmaking, and accept me as thy disciple amongst the New York Jets, that I might spread thy Word unto the heathens upon ESPN and comparable sports sites!" But the Lord Revis was not pleased. "Who art thou that doth question the will of the Lord? Is the Lord not the Lord? There is not a pass on this vast earth that is not defended by Me. Not a quarterback whose heart doth not quail in terror at mere mention of My name. I know the position of all footballs that are, have been, and will ever be. I have humbled the proud receivers. I have held out my Glory from the greedy owner and GM until they repented, and shall so anew. I am all that is Revis. Thou art nothing, that is Maybin. Thou shalt know thy place! Hereby do I banish thee from my presence. In the very asshole of New York shalt thou dwell two winters; and there, amongst the lepers and blind men of the NFL shalt thou learn the bitter lesson of my absence. Only then, once those that all reject have rejected thee, thy forehead scarred with the brand of the first-round bust, when thou hast not a single sack to thy name, shall I accept thee unto my presence, and allow thee to be a playmaker and a New York Jet. And thus it came to pass.
