The Origin of Ireland

[Ryan]

AND ON THE 7th DAY – GOD CREATED IRELAND!!!

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven God went missing for seven
days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He inquired of
God, "Where were you?"

God breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed
downwards through the clouds. "Look son, look what I'm making!"

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and asked, "What is it?"

God replied, "It's another planet, but I'm putting Life on it. I've
named it Earth and there's going to be a balance between everything
on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North
America is going to be rich and South America will be poor, and the
narrow bit joining them will be a hot spot. Now look
over here I've put a continent of whites in the North and another
one of blacks in the South."

Then the Archangel asked, "What's that green dot there?"

"Ahhh… that's the Emerald Isle," God said, "that's a very special
place! That's going to be the most glorious spot on Earth;
beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite
coastline. The people here are going to be great craic (Irish word
for fun) and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll
be playwrights and poets, singers and songwriters. And I'm going to
give them this black liquid, which they're going to go mad for, and
for which people will come from the far corners of the Earth to
drink."

Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then
seemingly startled, he said, "Hold on a second, what about BALANCE?
You said there was going to be balance?"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next
door to them!"

[nyscene911]

Here Here! :beer:

[Italian Seafood]

God was obviously on a long bender that week.

[Ryan]

God was obviously on a long bender that week.
Must've been the same week he invented the platypus.

[Wolfe Tone]

Slainte, good to see you around again Ryan, have you checked out The Mahones, I figured you may like them, saw them live a few nights ago

[Ryan]

Slainte, good to see you around again Ryan, have you checked out The Mahones, I figured you may like them, saw them live a few nights ago
Hey, good to see you again too.
No, i've never heard of them, but I'll look them up now.

[Mantana Soss]

:rofl: That was a good one. I'm English, too.

[BIG COUNTRY]

:lol::rofl2::lol:

Thats good stuff.

[Benny & The Jets]

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me
slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two
stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!".
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

[Twombles]

Nice joke there mate. Irish is my second nationality after Australia. Dual citizenship :-D

[gustoonarmy]

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Noraid contributed to killing 100s of people , civilians and Soldiers. I was nearly sick when in a Boston Bar saw a collection taking place for the 'struggle'.
Some of those same soldiers are now serving alongside USA troops in Iraq after also being in Kosovo and Afghanistan.
Despite Noraids funds the UK still has a special bond with the US , but crap like this Ryan makes my blood boil.
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To view links in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. Your post count is 0 momentarily. Cheers

[Twombles]

I think the Irish have a fair amount of grounds to say whatever bad things they want about the English. Why do you think that violence occurs?? Tell them to leave Ireland the fuck alone

[duketogo]

God that Guinness looks so fucking tasty!

[Mantana Soss]

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me
slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two
stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!".
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[gustoonarmy]

I think the Irish have a fair amount of grounds to say whatever bad things they want about the English. Why do you think that violence occurs?? Tell them to leave Ireland the fuck alone

Suggestion.

Have a good think about that statement and read a little bit about the whole conflict.

[ScotsJet]

Obviously the IRA are bona fide terrorists, but that doesn't make the joke less funny. Particularly so because it's true! :grin:

At least the fighting's over now that the IRA realise it will be less than a generation until there's a Catholic majority in NI and they can simply vote their way to a united Ireland.

[gustoonarmy]

Obviously the IRA are bona fide terrorists, but that doesn't make the joke less funny. Particularly so because it's true! :grin:

At least the fighting's over now that the IRA realise it will be less than a generation until there's a Catholic majority in NI and they can simply vote their way to a united Ireland.

Funny joke , but provocative , especially if you've been involved first hand. Beautifull country/province with some great people in.
The IRA are no longer the problem , the REAL IRA are however and IMO are still active. The other problem is the loyalists who at the drop of a hat could reopen hostilities. The last marching season passed by without too much hassle. But this conflict has been going on for such a long time I don't think the problems will ever truly go away , which is a shame. And as you rightly point out once that generation meets the voting criterior , this is when trouble MAY start again.

[Angry Teste]

God created Whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world...

[Angry Teste]

mmmmmm...whiskey....

[BIG COUNTRY]

Gustoon I understand your hostilities but Ryan was just making a simple joke imo. And plus the main reasons the conflict started was because blood was spilled on all sides, Provos, loyalists and British.

[Ryan]

Noraid contributed to killing 100s of people , civilians and Soldiers. I was nearly sick when in a Boston Bar saw a collection taking place for the 'struggle'.
Some of those same soldiers are now serving alongside USA troops in Iraq after also being in Kosovo and Afghanistan.
Despite Noraids funds the UK still has a special bond with the US , but crap like this Ryan makes my blood boil.
I see where you are going with this, and I disagree with you on almost every point you've made, but tell me, why does this joke digust you?

[xjets2002x]

Gustoon I understand your hostilities but Ryan was just making a simple joke imo. And plus the main reasons the conflict started was because blood was spilled on all sides, Provos, loyalists and British.

The main reason the conflict started was the British plantation of Ireland in the 17th Century. It all traces back to that. Even though future Irish Republicans would come from different faiths(Wolfe Tone, Michael Collins), the distrust between Catholics and Protestants always ran deep.

-X-

[gustoonarmy]

Gustoon I understand your hostilities but Ryan was just making a simple joke imo. And plus the main reasons the conflict started was because blood was spilled on all sides, Provos, loyalists and British.


Simple joke at whos expense? I believe the joke to be veiled. I have a good sense of humour , but right now its armistice week and this is in poor taste . I have personal reasons for being offended and they will stay personal , but don't start 'English bashing' in the name of a free Ireland here.
I could go off the deep end but I won't because nothing will be achieved.

I believe that Ryan is proud of his hertitage and tries to cling onto something he believes is very Irish, but is misguided.

I have heard that joke in different formats many times before and its normally told to upset Protestants/loyalists or even Soldiers in pubs or clubs, mass punch-ups normally follow.

I suggest the next time Ryan wants to tell a joke that he thinks it through first.

[gustoonarmy]

I see where you are going with this, and I disagree with you on almost every point you've made, but tell me, why does this joke digust you?

Tell me where am I going with this?

Exactly which points do you disagree with Ryan?

[BIG COUNTRY]

Simple joke at whos expense? I believe the joke to be veiled. I have a good sense of humour , but right now its armistice week and this is in poor taste . I have personal reasons for being offended and they will stay personal , but don't start 'English bashing' in the name of a free Ireland here.
I could go off the deep end but I won't because nothing will be achieved.

I believe that Ryan is proud of his hertitage and tries to cling onto something he believes is very Irish, but is misguided.

I have heard that joke in different formats many times before and its normally told to upset Protestants/loyalists or even Soldiers in pubs or clubs, mass punch-ups normally follow.

I suggest the next time Ryan wants to tell a joke that he thinks it through first.
Dont worry I am no Sinn Feinn Republican but I honestly couldnt draw this conflict to the joke. But as said earlier this conflict goes way back to the 17th century and the hate is just way too deep to pretty much ever go away.

[baamf]

Tell me where am I going with this?

Exactly which points do you disagree with Ryan?
I just realized that whenever I read one of your posts I give you a Scottish accent just like my Dads. Weird.....

[Italian Seafood]

Only one way to settle this: soccer riot.

[BIG COUNTRY]

Only one way to settle this: soccer riot.
We already beat England at that back in 1993. They came into our house and tried. :)

[JetsVilma28]

We already beat England at that back in 1993. They came into our house and tried. :)

Aye!

Cheers to that :beer: :beer:

Too bad they were sore losers about it

[JetsVilma28]

The main reason the conflict started was the British plantation of Ireland in the 17th Century. It all traces back to that. Even though future Irish Republicans would come from different faiths(Wolfe Tone, Michael Collins), the distrust between Catholics and Protestants always ran deep.

-X-

This all began when Strongbow took Dublin. Then the Pale and reformation, removing Catholicism from the Irish. Finally the Famine, which was near genocide. As far as England is concerned I could give a Fuck what they think of the Irish.

[Ryan]

Tell me where am I going with this?

Exactly which points do you disagree with Ryan?
When I said I see where you are going with this, is that I picked up on what this is all about. You obviously are of English heritage, or have ties with England, or something of the sort due to your outburst at a joke, which you seemed to be insulted by.

The points I disagree with:
Suggestion.

Have a good think about that statement and read a little bit about the whole conflict.
I don't completely agree with Twombles about saying all the bad things we want about England, but they certainly did start the war, and though they can't just leave now, they don't have to be so damn stubborn about it staying English. I had already read quite a bit on the subject before your suggestion, but even on the link you posted, they couldn't even make it sound like England was doing the right thing.
Funny joke , but provocative , especially if you've been involved first hand. Beautifull country/province with some great people in.
The IRA are no longer the problem , the REAL IRA are however and IMO are still active. The other problem is the loyalists who at the drop of a hat could reopen hostilities. The last marching season passed by without too much hassle. But this conflict has been going on for such a long time I don't think the problems will ever truly go away , which is a shame. And as you rightly point out once that generation meets the voting criterior , this is when trouble MAY start again.
I've been involved first hand with this more than anyone would ever like to believe, and believe me, this was not meant to be provocative in any way to anyone. I had hoped if any english people were to read this that they could swallow a bit of pride and laugh at themselves.
Yes, in my opinion the IRA is still active, and those loyalists who could reopen hostilities at the drop of a hat most likely will, when a particularly provoking event comes along. This is a war that has been going on for a thousand years, and the problems may very well never go away.
Simple joke at whos expense? I believe the joke to be veiled. I have a good sense of humour , but right now its armistice week and this is in poor taste . I have personal reasons for being offended and they will stay personal , but don't start 'English bashing' in the name of a free Ireland here.
I could go off the deep end but I won't because nothing will be achieved.

I believe that Ryan is proud of his hertitage and tries to cling onto something he believes is very Irish, but is misguided.

I have heard that joke in different formats many times before and its normally told to upset Protestants/loyalists or even Soldiers in pubs or clubs, mass punch-ups normally follow.

I suggest the next time Ryan wants to tell a joke that he thinks it through first.
I admit, it wasn't a great week to post this particular joke, but I want to know how you think this is a veiled joke. If I get angry or pumped over something, I will flat out tell you that I am English bashing in the name of a free Ireland.
Damn right I am very proud of my heritage, not to mention pride in the country I live in, which I am sure all of us have, and I certainly am clinging on to something I believe is very Irish, but misguided? Give me a fucking break. In no way am I misguided here.

[Wolfe Tone]

My opinion on the matter is that the Irish can poke some fun, and yes I am very proud of my heritage, I also come from a mixed family of Orange and Green, just so happens that my polititical views are heavily weighted in favour of Green, although I am a Protestant. Many years of control and oppression have given this right and as I see it it is a way to bridge a a very tenuous past. Light hearted humor can be a bit of therapy for some and as Ryan says this was not a low blow to the English and I would agree, if I myself were to take shots it would not be in a joke form. I also have done my homework and there are many on the republican side that I agree with and just as many as I do not! I allign myself with the IRSP and also some of values of the Sinn Fein. The "Real IRA" is an awful organization that is in N.I. to preserve the fight and I have absolutely no respect for them. The original I.R.A. can be branded as terrorists as should many of the loyalist groups but this should also include British groups such as the Black and Tans and some actions of the British Army. That is all

"To subvert the tyranny of our execrable government, to break the connection with England, the never-failing source of all our political evils and to assert the independence of my country- these were my objectives. To unite the whole people of Ireland, to abolish the memory of all past dissensions, and to substitute the common name of Irishman in place of the denominations of Protestant, Catholic and Dissenter - these were my means."- Theobald Wolfe Tone

The following is a chronological history since 1968, it is neutral.
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[BIG COUNTRY]

My opinion on the matter is that the Irish can poke some fun, and yes I am very proud of my heritage, I also come from a mixed family of Orange and Green, just so happens that my polititical views are heavily weighted in favour of Green, although I am a Protestant. Many years of control and oppression have given this right and as I see it it is a way to bridge a a very tenuous past. Light hearted humor can be a bit of therapy for some and as Ryan says this was not a low blow to the English and I would agree, if I myself were to take shots it would not be in a joke form. I also have done my homework and there are many on the republican side that I agree with and just as many as I do not! I allign myself with the IRSP and also some of values of the Sinn Fein. The "Real IRA" is an awful organization that is in N.I. to preserve the fight and I have absolutely no respect for them. The original I.R.A. can be branded as terrorists as should many of the loyalist groups but this should also include British groups such as the Black and Tans and some actions of the British Army. That is all

"To subvert the tyranny of our execrable government, to break the connection with England, the never-failing source of all our political evils and to assert the independence of my country- these were my objectives. To unite the whole people of Ireland, to abolish the memory of all past dissensions, and to substitute the common name of Irishman in place of the denominations of Protestant, Catholic and Dissenter - these were my means."- Theobald Wolfe Tone

The following is a chronological history since 1968, it is neutral.
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Spot on, pretty much the way I feel. the only people who support the Real IRA would be the most violent of Republican extremists. i dont support them especially since they have shown they will kill anyone...men...women...and children.

[Wolfe Tone]

Spot on, pretty much the way I feel. the only people who support the Real IRA would be the most violent of Republican extremists. i dont support them especially since they have shown they will kill anyone...men...women...and children.

Yeh prime example of that is the Omagh bombing, between the RUC and the Real IRA that tragic event was full of idiot moves.

[Twombles]

On a side note. My mum wanted to transfer her money from the Northern Bank. It was in pounds sterling as Northern ireland is in the Uk as im sure you all know. The bank woman had an arguement that Northern Ireland was not in the UK even though the notice from the bank said it. Then they got the manager and they thought my mum was an absolute idiot. If i had been ther i woulda thumped those idiots

[ScotsJet]

Pretty sure you could make the same joke from a Scottish or Welsh perspective though, in fact I have definitely heard it with Scotland in place of Ireland and whisky in place of guinness. Hard to figure that it has anything to do with Irish republicanism, etc. save where it is twisted to be used thus by people with an agenda. I don't for a second believe Ryan is one of those people.

[ScotsJet]

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot." "Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries." "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Scotland, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, and hills. The people from Scotland are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them!"

There's also this version, which just doesn't work:

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the arch angel found him on the seventh day, resting. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Great Britain, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from Britain are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be builders of empires, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them. I call them 'French'.

[Wolfe Tone]

Pretty sure you could make the same joke from a Scottish or Welsh perspective though, in fact I have definitely heard it with Scotland in place of Ireland and whisky in place of guinness. Hard to figure that it has anything to do with Irish republicanism, etc. save where it is twisted to be used thus by people with an agenda. I don't for a second believe Ryan is one of those people.

Cheers, yeh I have heard the Scottish one as well. Overall in good fun